Subway service changes this weekend

New York subway service changes can be confusing. The MTA provides this simple, handy guide to help you plan your trip this weekend.

The  and will run local this weekend.

Because of necessary trackwork the will be running over the line.

Because of necessary trackwork the will be running over the line. This accomplishes something.

The will run normally this weekend, for, as far as anyone remembers, the first time. To celebrate, the MTA is declaring a holiday. The will not be running.

Steven Moore of 344 E 11th St will be tracked at all times this weekend by MTA agents who will be tasked with ensuring that all subway stations within a mobile 3-block radius of him are closed. Think about that the next time you’re considering holding the doors.

The will be making all stops except those that contain a prime number (42nd Street, OK; 23rd Street, nope). The will replace the at those stops. The will be making all stops but will be arriving on invisible platforms accessible only to wizards.

The will only run if the is running. The definitely won’t run if the is running. The knew this was going to happen when they hooked up.

The will run normally to Christopher Street, where it will leap its tracks, burst to the surface of the city and make a dash for Jersey. Shuttle buses replace the below Christopher Street.

The 2nd Avenue  line will be running normally. Just kidding. We’re never going to build that.