Melinda wasn’t looking for love that fateful day when she stepped out of her apartment. But love was looking for her, in the form of a 43-year-old man leaning on the horn of a truck with a muffler problem.
Late to meet her friends, Melinda was hurrying down the sidewalk when suddenly she heard “Yeah, baby! Move that sweet ass!” followed by a skillfully executed wolf whistle.
Melinda stopped short at what she would later recall as the most romantic words she’d ever heard. She turned around and there he was: the man of her dreams.
“Do you really think my ass is sweet?” she asked, trying not to let the tears fall.
“Hell yeah, bitch,” her Prince Charming replied. “Why don’t you come suck my ****.”
She didn’t wait for him to change his mind. She climbed into his truck and they drove off into the sunset.
The wedding was a small, tasteful ceremony at the corner liquor store. The ceremony was held on August 25th, a date of significance to both halves of the couple—it marked the twentieth anniversary of both the bride’s first day of kindergarten and the groom’s purchase of his truck.
The bride is the daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Bart Taub of Seattle, Washington. Dr. Taub is a professor of economics and Mrs. Taub is a Human Resources executive.
The groom was raised by wolves.
and 
will run local this weekend.
will be running over the 
line.
will run normally this weekend, for, as far as anyone remembers, the first time. To celebrate, the MTA is declaring a holiday. The 
will be making all stops except those that contain a prime number (42nd Street, OK; 23rd Street, nope). The 
will replace the 
will be making all stops but will be arriving on invisible platforms accessible only to wizards.
will only run if the 
is running. The 
knew this was going to happen when they hooked up.
will run normally to Christopher Street, where it will leap its tracks, burst to the surface of the city and make a dash for Jersey. Shuttle buses replace the 
line will be running normally. Just kidding. We’re never going to build that.
Things I contemplated doing on the subway when I was running late, and whether I ultimately did them
would stick my head in a paper bag and spit in an empty orange juice bottle
and no one would be the wiser)