Other kinds of MILs

So I jotted this down a month ago around my mother’s birthday and then utterly forgot to post it. Better late than never.

We all know what a MILF is:

Stifler's mom!

Stifler's mom!

She’s a MILF. But moms are awfully important. Too important to be left ignored by the acronym community just because I wouldn’t in fact L to F them. So here are some moms and the acronyms that best suit them, IMHO:

Bambi’s mom is a MILSH, which stands for Mom I’d Like to Save from Hunters.

MILHFTM (Mom I’d like her fairy tale metabolism): The mom on Gilmore Girls who eats chocolate chip pancakes all the time but remains Lauren Graham.

Spock’s mom is a MILWASEC, or (spoiler alert!) a Mom I’d Like to Warn About Standing on the Edge of Cliffs.

Hamlet’s mom is a MILSUM.CSSCWHDP, a Mom I’d Like to Sign Up for Match.Com So She Can Widen Her Dating Pool.

Œdipus Rex’s mom is of course a MŒLF.

MILAWTF?: The moms of any number of the guys I’ve dated, including 90s Rock Guy, Zionist Conspiracy Guy, and Mr. Trash Pockets.

MILC (Mom I’d Like to Cuddle): Anyone who is a mom and also a panda. Koala moms also accepted.

Michelle Obama is for me, and pretty much every girl I know, the MILSMHTMICMGSPMWBMF, AKA the Mom I’d Like to Shake My Hand and Tell Me I’m a Credit to My Generation and She’s Proud of Me and Wants to Be My Friend.

MILE (Mom I’d Like to Eat): Whatever gives birth to Sour Patch Kids. Presumably a giant and delicious Sour Patch Mama.

MILB (Mom I Like Best): My mama. HBM! That stands for Happy Birthday Mama. SYBWMA. (Sorry Your Birthday Was a Month Ago.)

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