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Sex, Drugs, and the Hard Rock Cafe
Check it: the first video I wrote for UCB Comedy group Diamonds, Wow! It is mad funny, you guys. Thanks to all the cast and crew, especially editor Zach Neumeyer, who died of a massive Photoshop overdose.
You can find all our fabulous Diamonds, Wow! hilarity at UCBComedy.com.
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The TSA’s new rules governing the last hour of international flights foil Ahmed and Sayed the procrastinating terrorists
AHMED
The time is nigh! The Captain has turned off the Fasten Seatbelt sign and we may move about the cabin! Now, Sayed, we will retrieve our carry-on luggage from the compartment above us, take out our detonators and explode our gunpowder-filled pants, blowing these infidels to kingdom come! Death to America!
SAYED
Yes! Death to America!
AHMED
Death to [...]
My pitches for new teen vampire romance novels
So because of Twilight, today’s teenage girls are obsessed with vampire novels. A lot of adults mock this trend, because before our twentieth birthdays, we lost the part of our brains that lets us sigh over a male character continually described as impossibly lithe and graceful, with topaz eyes and bronze hair, instead of picturing [...]
Greetings Twitter people!
Welcome to my bloggins. I’m not used to having so many people reading this blog who aren’t my mother, but it’s neat so many people have retweeted the link. Twitter people turn out to be really into jokes about Twitter. Who knew?
Please make yourselves at home. Poke around the rest of the site. I make [...]
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God twitters creation
God: Gosh its dark in here.
7 days ago
God: There thats better.
7 days ago
God: Hey guys im finally on twitter! Whats up?
7 days ago
God: guys?
7 days ago
God: oh right. i’m the only thing in existence, haha.
7 days ago
God: shut up i wasnt talking 2 you RT @Satan I TOO EXIST
7 days ago
God: BOOORREEDD with endless void [...]
Fighting falling attendance, National Park Service adds cats to all national monuments
“Internet does it all the time” says NPS
WASHINGTON, DC—The National Park Service announced today that it is raising revenue by augmenting all major national monuments with cats.
“We had to do something,” explained Monuments Director Joshua Blumenthal. “With the economy people aren’t traveling as much, and since literally every eighth grade class in the country has [...]
Amanda, girl reporter.
The New York Times, the AP, and Reuters know him as Abu Sharati, the spokesman for Darfuri refugees. Reporters from those publications have all quoted him in their stories on Darfur, including some where he’s thrown his support behind the leader of a rebel faction.
The problem: no one aside from those reporters seems to think [...]
Other kinds of MILs
So I jotted this down a month ago around my mother’s birthday and then utterly forgot to post it. Better late than never.
We all know what a MILF is:
She’s a MILF. But moms are awfully important. Too important to be left ignored by the acronym community just because I wouldn’t in fact L to F [...]
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The Blind Side = My Friend Flicka