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Hi Chris! Sorry I acted like a Walmart greeter just now.
[Edited to add: I feel like I should explain that Chris was very nice and polite, if clearly confused, when I yelled cryptic greetings at him. All strangeness in our interaction is due to my decision not to introduce myself.]
So I’m working in the lobby of the Ace Hotel today. Chris Gethard came in and [...]
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Chrysler Failed Because of Three Guys Who Each Stole a Car a Day
I wrote this awhile ago, but never shot it. So here, website. Have a script about the implosion of Chrysler.
Exterior, Chrysler factory, day.
A whistle blows. Three guys in hard hats enter. They sit on a bench to eat lunch. Clyde takes out a newspaper.
VERN
Hey, you guys hear the penny finally dropped? Yeah, after years of [...]
American Beauty Bag Audition (new video)
Ed and the guys get the credit for the stop motion animation. I get the credit for deciding that Gristedes bags are patronizing assholes.
Please check out our other videos at UCBComedy.com. (You can see this video bigger there. I’d recommend it, actually.)
The Blind Side = My Friend Flicka
So the Oscars are tomorrow, and the feel-good Sandra Bullock film The Blind Side is nominated for Best Picture. This has served me to remind me of something: how weirded out I am by The Blind Side. I haven’t seen it, but every time I saw the trailer it made me uncomfortable and I couldn’t [...]
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged i am the best at photoshop, my friend flicka, nice white ladies, the blind side, tim mcgraw Comments closed
Sex, Drugs, and the Hard Rock Cafe
Check it: the first video I wrote for UCB Comedy group Diamonds, Wow! It is mad funny, you guys. Thanks to all the cast and crew, especially editor Zach Neumeyer, who died of a massive Photoshop overdose.
You can find all our fabulous Diamonds, Wow! hilarity at UCBComedy.com.
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The TSA’s new rules governing the last hour of international flights foil Ahmed and Sayed the procrastinating terrorists
AHMED
The time is nigh! The Captain has turned off the Fasten Seatbelt sign and we may move about the cabin! Now, Sayed, we will retrieve our carry-on luggage from the compartment above us, take out our detonators and explode our gunpowder-filled pants, blowing these infidels to kingdom come! Death to America!
SAYED
Yes! Death to America!
AHMED
Death to [...]
My pitches for new teen vampire romance novels
So because of Twilight, today’s teenage girls are obsessed with vampire novels. A lot of adults mock this trend, because before our twentieth birthdays, we lost the part of our brains that lets us sigh over a male character continually described as impossibly lithe and graceful, with topaz eyes and bronze hair, instead of picturing [...]
Greetings Twitter people!
Welcome to my bloggins. I’m not used to having so many people reading this blog who aren’t my mother, but it’s neat so many people have retweeted the link. Twitter people turn out to be really into jokes about Twitter. Who knew?
Please make yourselves at home. Poke around the rest of the site. I make [...]
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God twitters creation
God: Gosh its dark in here.
7 days ago
God: There thats better.
7 days ago
God: Hey guys im finally on twitter! Whats up?
7 days ago
God: guys?
7 days ago
God: oh right. i’m the only thing in existence, haha.
7 days ago
God: shut up i wasnt talking 2 you RT @Satan I TOO EXIST
7 days ago
God: BOOORREEDD with endless void [...]
Some awesome videos