Category Archives: fake things

Backlogged Google Accounts Payable Department Finally Gets Around To Sending Out GMail Bills

By melindataub | Published: March 19, 2010
Dear Gmail Customer, First off, thanks for bearing with us. You’ve had a Gmail account since 2004, which makes you one of our longest users. You stuck with us through the years that Gmail was in beta as we worked out the kinks. We’re sending you this email to let you know how [...]
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Hogwarts Addresses the Childhood Obesity Epidemic

By melindataub | Published: December 14, 2009
To: All students From: Madam Pomfrey, School Nurse Parchment re: Student Health All of us on the faculty and staff at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry take seriously our commitment to our students, and we strive to make sure that only three or four of you die a year. But since Voldemort was defeated another problem has [...]
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Zombie Joan Didion Tries to Persuade You to Come Closer so She Can Eat Your Brains

By melindataub | Published: December 7, 2009
We tell ourselves stories in order to live. The princess is caged in the consulate. The lady writer from Sacramento will eat your children’s brains. The shuttle that flew between San Francisco and Los Angeles in 1967 had a large smile painted on the nose. We called it “going on the smile.” In October of 2009 [...]
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Wedding Announcement: Miss Melinda Taub to that guy honking at her in an ‘89 Dodge pickup

By melindataub | Published: October 15, 2009
Melinda wasn’t looking for love that fateful day when she stepped out of her apartment. But love was looking for her, in the form of a 43-year-old man leaning on the horn of a truck with a muffler problem. Late to meet her friends, Melinda was hurrying down the sidewalk when suddenly she heard “Yeah, baby! [...]
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Subway service changes this weekend

By melindataub | Published: October 2, 2009
New York subway service changes can be confusing. The MTA provides this simple, handy guide to help you plan your trip this weekend. The  and will run local this weekend. Because of necessary trackwork the will be running over the line. Because of necessary trackwork the will be running over the line. This [...]
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Hollywood Petition Against Violation of Innocent Zurich Film Festival

By melindataub | Published: September 29, 2009
We, the undersigned actors, directors, and writers, from the United States and abroad, protest the callous violation of the Zurich Film Festival by the Swiss Police, who used the festival to capture fugitive convicted rapist Roman Polanski. It is unconscionable that the Swiss police should use this innocent film festival against its will to capture a [...]
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