Category Archives: dialogue

The TSA’s new rules governing the last hour of international flights foil Ahmed and Sayed the procrastinating terrorists

By melindataub | Published: December 29, 2009
AHMED The time is nigh! The Captain has turned off the Fasten Seatbelt sign and we may move about the cabin! Now, Sayed, we will retrieve our carry-on luggage from the compartment above us, take out our detonators and explode our gunpowder-filled pants, blowing these infidels to kingdom come! Death to America! SAYED Yes! Death to America! AHMED Death to [...]
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I am having an argument

By melindataub | Published: September 27, 2009
ME I want to run three miles today! MY HANGOVER I want you to lie on the couch. ME Okay.
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A scene from HOUSE: MD

By melindataub | Published: September 8, 2009
In 2007, popular medical drama “House” introduced a new character. His name is Dr. Taub. Here is a scene I have written for him. NURSE Dr. Taub, the patient’s crashing! What should we do? DR. TAUB What did you call me? NURSE Um… Dr. Taub? That’s your name, right? DR. TAUB It is! And you pronounced it correctly! Tow-b. Most people assume it’s [...]
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Monotheistic religions

By melindataub | Published: August 10, 2009
SCENE: HEAVEN, THE DAWN OF CREATION. GOD Okay, monotheistic religions. On the count of three, everybody claim what your clergy will have to give up in My name. One–two– ISLAM Pork! JUDAISM Pork! ISLAM Jinx! Buy me a coke. ZOROASTRIANISM Viability in a post-industrial world! Judaism buys Islam a coke. ISLAM Ahh. Thanks. No hard feelings, right? GOD Okay, Judaism, your clergy will give up eating the flesh of a [...]
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