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Author Archives: melindataub
Hi Chris! Sorry I acted like a Walmart greeter just now.
[Edited to add: I feel like I should explain that Chris was very nice and polite, if clearly confused, when I yelled cryptic greetings at him. All strangeness in our interaction is due to my decision not to introduce myself.]
So I’m working in the lobby of the Ace Hotel today. Chris Gethard came in and [...]
Posted in Uncategorized Comments closed
If Our Current Attitudes Toward Privacy Had Existed Before The Internet
Wife: Here’s your new credit card. It just came in the mail.
Husband: Great. Let me call up a stranger and read him my credit card number and PIN.
Wife: Good idea. That way if you forget, he can remind you.
Husband: Oh, and I’d better conference in an offshore backup stranger in Estonia. Can’t be too careful.
***
Father [...]
Posted in dialogue, fake television procedural pitch Tagged google, internet, twitter Comments closed
New video: Loving Farms
Here’s another UCB Comedy video I wrote. This vid will mostly be remembered as the one that started Diamonds, Wow!’s obsession with writing baby goats into everything we produce.
Loving Farms produces old-fashioned animal porn untainted by homosexuality.
New Video: Zuckerberg’s Facebook Apology
Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, is soooo sorry about Facebook’s new privacy policy. Psych. (I wrote this one! Mostly. Ed came up with a bunch of the visual gags. And it is HuffPo approved.)
I tend to only embed the vids I wrote, because they look so messed up on formatted for this blog. But you [...]
Video: Jennifer Aniston Wants Your House
Guess who has a new video with Diamonds Wow at UCB Comedy!
Please check out our other videos at UCBComedy.com. As always, this will look better there than pounded into Wordpress with a mallet.
Chrysler Failed Because of Three Guys Who Each Stole a Car a Day
I wrote this awhile ago, but never shot it. So here, website. Have a script about the implosion of Chrysler.
Exterior, Chrysler factory, day.
A whistle blows. Three guys in hard hats enter. They sit on a bench to eat lunch. Clyde takes out a newspaper.
VERN
Hey, you guys hear the penny finally dropped? Yeah, after years of [...]
American Beauty Bag Audition (new video)
Ed and the guys get the credit for the stop motion animation. I get the credit for deciding that Gristedes bags are patronizing assholes.
Please check out our other videos at UCBComedy.com. (You can see this video bigger there. I’d recommend it, actually.)
Posted in Uncategorized, video Tagged american beauty, animation, diamonds wow!, ucb Comments closed
Backlogged Google Accounts Payable Department Finally Gets Around To Sending Out GMail Bills
Dear Gmail Customer,
First off, thanks for bearing with us. You’ve had a Gmail account since 2004, which makes you one of our longest users. You stuck with us through the years that Gmail was in beta as we worked out the kinks. We’re sending you this email to let you know how [...]
Posted in epistolary comedy, fake things Tagged don't be evil, fake invoices, gmail, google, i am the best at photoshop Comments closed
The Blind Side = My Friend Flicka
So the Oscars are tomorrow, and the feel-good Sandra Bullock film The Blind Side is nominated for Best Picture. This has served me to remind me of something: how weirded out I am by The Blind Side. I haven’t seen it, but every time I saw the trailer it made me uncomfortable and I couldn’t [...]
Posted in Uncategorized Tagged i am the best at photoshop, my friend flicka, nice white ladies, the blind side, tim mcgraw Comments closed
Some awesome videos