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Author Archives: melindataub
Sex, Drugs, and the Hard Rock Cafe
Check it: the first video I wrote for UCB Comedy group Diamonds, Wow! It is mad funny, you guys. Thanks to all the cast and crew, especially editor Zach Neumeyer, who died of a massive Photoshop overdose.
You can find all our fabulous Diamonds, Wow! hilarity at UCBComedy.com.
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Diamonds Wow!
So as my Twitter followers know, I recently joined an Upright Citizens Brigade video sketchwriting team called Diamonds Wow!. Diamonds Wow! has been hard at work these last few weeks crafting internet funnies for you and yours, and our first video just went live. Written by the hilarious Kevin Hines, I give you Stops Diarrhea, [...]
The TSA’s new rules governing the last hour of international flights foil Ahmed and Sayed the procrastinating terrorists
AHMED
The time is nigh! The Captain has turned off the Fasten Seatbelt sign and we may move about the cabin! Now, Sayed, we will retrieve our carry-on luggage from the compartment above us, take out our detonators and explode our gunpowder-filled pants, blowing these infidels to kingdom come! Death to America!
SAYED
Yes! Death to America!
AHMED
Death to [...]
Hogwarts Addresses the Childhood Obesity Epidemic
To: All students
From: Madam Pomfrey, School Nurse
Parchment re: Student Health
All of us on the faculty and staff at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry take seriously our commitment to our students, and we strive to make sure that only three or four of you die a year. But since Voldemort was defeated another problem has [...]
Zombie Joan Didion Tries to Persuade You to Come Closer so She Can Eat Your Brains
We tell ourselves stories in order to live. The princess is caged in the consulate. The lady writer from Sacramento will eat your children’s brains. The shuttle that flew between San Francisco and Los Angeles in 1967 had a large smile painted on the nose. We called it “going on the smile.”
In October of 2009 [...]
This Year’s Crop of Christmas Specials are Kind of Out of Ideas
- The Twilight Vampires Save Christmas
- Feliz Navidad! From the US Border Patrol
- CSI: North Pole
- Shlomo, the Loneliest Elf
- Your Least Favorite Comedian Stars in an Updated Version of A Christmas Carol
- Just An Hour of Toy Commercials
- Slippy, the Christmas Fed Ex Slip Directing You to Pick Up Your Package at the [...]
My pitches for new teen vampire romance novels
So because of Twilight, today’s teenage girls are obsessed with vampire novels. A lot of adults mock this trend, because before our twentieth birthdays, we lost the part of our brains that lets us sigh over a male character continually described as impossibly lithe and graceful, with topaz eyes and bronze hair, instead of picturing [...]
The Blind Side = My Friend Flicka