Monthly Archives: September 2009

Hollywood Petition Against Violation of Innocent Zurich Film Festival

We, the undersigned actors, directors, and writers, from the United States and abroad, protest the callous violation of the Zurich Film Festival by the Swiss Police, who used the festival to capture fugitive convicted rapist Roman Polanski. It is unconscionable that the Swiss police should use this innocent film festival against its will to capture a [...]
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Other kinds of MILs

So I jotted this down a month ago around my mother’s birthday and then utterly forgot to post it. Better late than never. We all know what a MILF is: She’s a MILF. But moms are awfully important. Too important to be left ignored by the acronym community just because I wouldn’t in fact L to F [...]
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I am having an argument

ME I want to run three miles today! MY HANGOVER I want you to lie on the couch. ME Okay.
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Uh oh, Jenny Slate!

Dropping the F bomb your very first week on SNL? Tsk tsk. Hope they let you stick around long enough to learn that TV = Williamsburg TV does not equal Williamsburg.
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An extended scene from Return of the Jedi

LUKE You’re wrong, Leia. You have that power too. In time you’ll learn to use it as I have. The Force is strong in my family. My father has it… I have it… and… my sister has it. Leia stares into his eyes. What she sees there frightens her. But she doesn’t draw away. She begins to [...]
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The New York Times has some important information to share about family-run amusement parks

The New York Times front page would like you to know: Family-Run Amusement Parks Surviving. “Sure, that is definitely red-hot, front-page-worthy news,” you’re thinking, if you’ve forgotten that the New York Times and Family Amusement Park Quarterly are different publications. I find it a little odd. I’m not the first to point out their tendency [...]
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What I’m atoning for this year

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Yes, the High Holy Days are upon us, when good little Jews try to atone for their sins so God will bring them presents. No, wait, it’s so He won’t kill them. Man, we really lucked out holiday-wise when we decided not to make the jump to [...]
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Random Emmy thoughts

Everyone looks like they’re in a terrible mood. Neil Patrick Harris already seemed to think he was bombing the second he stepped onstage. And what’s with the death glare, Tina Fey? Does it hurt your back to push the wheelbarrow you’ll need to take home all your Emmys? Everyone is singling out Lorne Michaels for praise. [...]
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Coming next fall to CBS

Those of you who don’t know me personally may be surprised to learn that I am neither rich nor famous. (I am, however, just as cute as you’d assume.) My current plan to rectify this is to go where the money is: television crime procedurals. CSI, NCIS, the lesser Law and Orders: these are the [...]
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Some knock knock jokes.

1. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Joe. Interrupting Joe wh- YOU LIE   2. Knock knock. Who’s there? Interrupting Kanye. … I said, interrupting Kanye. No, see, you can’t do this one. What? Why not? You already telegraphed the punchline. I know where you’re going with this. Kanye’s not a very common name. Come on. Just see it through. This is stupid. You’re stupid. Do it. FINE. “Interrupting Kanye wh-” Taylor, I’m [...]
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